Life is not roses and rainbows
I love this picture for two reasons.
The first and obvious one is because it's a pretty picture taken for a @sel project. She made me look so beautiful and it’s a good picture.
But most importantly, it reminds me of one of the most difficult times in my life.
That very day I was in the most pain I have ever been, physically and emotionally. Two days prior I had my ACL and meniscus surgery and my knee was hurting like hell. I was facing 9 months of rehab and didn’t have any income, nor did I know when and if I ever dance again.
Also, I just broke up with my boyfriend the night before. You might ask why do you like being reminded of this period? And the answer is because it also reminds me that it has all passed and things fell back into place. I recovered, not in 9 months but 16 - it took way longer than expected - but here I am, fitter and stronger than ever. I am a better dancer than I have been before my injury.
My heart healed and I have learned to choose men wiser. I have multiple sources of income and I am fine.
Life is not always roses and rainbows. But it all pass, you just have to remain strong at the dark times and depending on the situation either way have patience and wait or take action and make the most out of current circumstances and take action to change things. And always remember, that no matter how bad it is, it will all eventually pass and maybe get even worse at some point, but after that, it will get better. Maybe even better than it had been ever before.
Don't make up after break up
Like many women my age I have been through (few) break ups and even though and for many of us heartbreak is one of the worst things on this planet. For the past few years I have been reflecting a lot. I have been thinking about things I do and reason behind it, I started learning myself and having my heartbroken was one of the greatest opportunities to practice all those things.
I am not promising you a recipe to make going through heartbreak easier but I can share with you what I think is best to do and based on my experience what I’d try to do if someone breaks my heart again. Try, because some of those things are hard to do. I know that this is best thing (for me at least) but when you are sad and broken hearted your senses are pretty twisted and you might have issues with thinking straight. Why?
Its been proven that going through break up is similar to being on rehab from heavy drugs.
Therefore you should not be angry with yourself and blaming yourself for feeling like shit and going crazy. You have to understand though that if one party decided to end the relationship, there is a reason and especially when the other person doesn’t want to work on fixing the relationship you have to treat your heartbreak like a disease, get ready and accept the process of recovery.
I also think all break ups are different and I think my tips (again, based on my experience) are for the ones that got out of relationship and there is no way to go back. Either way because of the circumstances you cannot come back or because the other person does not want to , or the relationship has been too draining and toxic for both of you.
Either the case, once you break up, you (or maybe just me) start lacking affection. This is one of the symptoms of the drug kick off. Feeling loved and affection is like being high on drugs. Amazing. When you are rejected or feeling lonely you start losing your senses and all you can think of is how much you want to have that feeling of feeling loved again. You don’t care anymore how much your ex hurt you or that you just cannot be together you just want love. From anyone really but because your ex is the safest and shortest way to get it this one last time (you’d think) you want to call him or text him.
Well… DONT.
Fuckboys drama
Fuckboys drama.
Girls lie to themselves and do not listen.
Before I say anything I just want to make it clear that all I am saying is based on my own experience and reflections and obviously does not apply to everybody. As a matter if fact, everybody is different and every situation is different. I write mainly for myself to clear my mind and I am happy to share those reflections with people in case you wanna relate, seek for advice from someone like you or just want to waste your time but that does not mean I feel expert in this topic in any way.
Also by saying fuckboy, I don’t mean it in a bad way. A fuckboy for me is just a guy who is not interested in a committed relationship, wants to have fun and maybe has more girls he “hangs out with”. As long as you are being honest about it, there is nothing wrong about it.
Anywaysss.. I talk A LOT with people and girls following my class and I noticed that we ( because I have been through the same things many times) love to lie to ourselves and most importantly, we don’t listen. And those two things often times lead to a heartbreak of our own. What I am referring to , is when a guy tells you straight forward that he doesn’t want anything serious and you guys are just having good time, sometimes even though you like him and actually want something serious, you lie to him and yourself that you also just wanna have fun you are not into anything serious.
It is actually a huge privilege when a guy has courage to be this honest with you and you should take advantage of this privilege and be really frank with yourself and him, whether you really just want to have fun or whether you actually like this guy too much and you wish it became something serious.
Anyways, for some reason that is often not the case, and like I said we chose to lie that we do not want relationship either and end up in this situationship. Men , and many people in general, assume that you mean what you say. Meaning, when you say you don’t want anything serious, they believe you.
Little does the poor guy know, that actually meanwhile while you are “hanging out” deep inside , sometimes against your own will, you are growing feelings and soon enough it will become too much and you won’t be able to take it anymore, you break out and confuse the shit out of the guy, cause he thought that you were just cool, having fun and fucking.
What makes it even more complicated , is when guys tell us all those nice things such as “ I love your personality”, “we have something really special” , “ the way we click is so extraordinary” etc. What we tend to do is, fulfilling the story and give those words all another meaning thinking that he really likes you and you will be together.
WRONG.
This is when the part comes that you don’t listen. When men (and again, people in general) say they love your personality and you got magical click, they mean that you have great personality and you got a good click, thats it. Maybe he does like you a lot but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a click and like other girls at the same time. And you cannot blame him for it.
Him saying that he likes you, doesn’t mean that he wants to be in a relationship with you until he actually clearly says it or most importantly until he shows it with his actions.
There are a lot of men there that will tell you whatever you want to hear but if his actions do not cover his words, girl, run.
Also, I kind of feel bad for guys because sometimes the way things end make guys look like assholes even tho they did not deserve it. We blame them for breaking our hearts, because they told us that we have something special. Well yeah, we had something special but you didn’t want to have anything serious you said it, remember? He told you what he wanted and it went wrong because you lied about what you actually wanted.
So the moral of this story is just be honest about what you want and listen. If you start growing feelings to a guy that you hang out with, be honest about it, at least to yourself.
And if you tell him about what you want and he tells you openly that he cannot give it to you, cut it, for your own good.
About Nicole
Hi there !
So I have been thinking about it for a while and it is finally a reality.
I am going to write a blog where I am going to share my thoughts, experiences and everything else. The reason why I decided to write a blog and keep it public is because first of all, it makes me happy when my experience and lessons I have learnt help, inspire, comfort etc. others but also, besides dancing, writing has always been my way to clear my thoughts.
This is my first post where I decided to sort of introduce myself and give you an idea of what can you expect. Like I said, I will write about everything and anything. I will share with you my thoughts on life, share my experience of travels, write about interesting people I meet. If you have any suggestions or requests, feel free to contact me! :)
About me:
As most of you probably know, my name is Nicole. I am mostly known for being a dancer , twerk teacher specifically :)
I was born in Poland, 23rd of February, 1992. I have been dancing almost my whole life, starting from gymnastics at 4 (acrobatics), ballet, modern jazz and cheerleading until I was 19. I couldn't pursue a career as a gymnast due to a wrist injury at 12. I never felt like I belong in Poland and I always knew that I wanted to live somewhere else. At 19, I went to Italy to work as a dancer but I realised real quick that it is an exhausting job and I decided to go back to school. This is when I moved to the Netherlands and started to study physiotherapy but quickly I got distracted by dancing and pursued my dancing career here. I worked as an all-round dancer, performing at the parties , festivals, giving classes and then again I got tired of full time dancing which made me come back to school again, this time English teaching training and Homeschool van Amsterdam. I always knew, I wanted to be a teacher, because I love (until now) sharing my knowledge with people and contribute to making them become a better version of themselves. I was doing real good and enjoyed studying, working as a dancer on a side but for some reason on my third year my career took off , I danced in many videoclips and it was too hard to combine it with working as a teacher. I decided to quit my studies at 3rd year ( I know, againnnn) and dance full time for few more years, thinking that dancing is something I can do and enjoy only when I am young and school is something you can do even when you're older. I worked as a full-time dancer for 2 years, living my best life in Amsterdam, started giving first twerk class in Amsterdam and now finally I made a conscious decision of coming back to school (again :D), this time with the intention of finishing it. So now I study Communication and Information Studies at Vrije University in Amsterdam and I work as a dancer and I am loving it. The difference between now and the times I quit school before is that now I really enjoy my studies as it refers to my other interests (marketing, social media) but also I am older and learned to keep my dancing career and other things in balance. I focus mainly on giving classes and workshops, which gives me the most satisfaction and I do not work as much at night and dance in the videoclips anymore.
As I said and most of you probably know, I give twerk class and next to it I also teach Dancehall and heels. Besides that , I am passionate about pole dance which I am about to pick up now after a year long break due to my crucial ligament injury (which I am going to tell you about in my other post:) . A lot of people ask me why I decided to teach and dance twerk. Well, long story short, I always could and enjoyed moving my hips pretty good (especially for a white girl I guess) and when the twerk hype started few years ago my friends asked me why I don't give twerk class myself. At first I thought it was funny but once I moved to Amsterdam I knew that I have to come up with something new that doesn't exist in Amsterdam yet, so I gave it a shot. I swear to God I had no idea how big this twerk business will become and how it will change my life. Within three years I started teaching multiple class, workshops all over Holland and abroad but most importantly, I noticed how much it changes women. I love to see how girls come for my lass pretty shy, out of their comfort zone and within few weeks they become more confident, free, fit and happier with themselves.
Alright, I think this is enough information for the first post.
I hope you enjoyed reading on my story a little, let me know if there is anything else you'd like to know or just let me know what you think.
X,
Nicole
instagram: @nicole.cole.dancer